How To Be Bride-Chilla

You meet this guy on Tinder and you know for sure he's The One. 

The thing is, you don't really believe in The One, but he could be totally marry-able if there don't end up being any red flags. And anyway, he seems normal and nice and he likes his family. If these three things are true about a person, how bad could the rest be? Wait, don't answer that. 

Months later, he tells you he knew immediately too. 

You play it cool and you play your cards and you chill. 

He starts browsing apartments and houses on his iPad every time you come over. One day (in a tone you think sounds pretty chill) you say, "I'd move in with you." And he confesses that that's what he was hinting at with all the browsing. 

You've been together for only six months when you move in together. It isn't for convenience and it isn't to save money. It's because it feels right. 

You've never lived with a man before and it takes some getting used to. He is mostly perfect. He likes to clean and he does laundry, but he shrinks your favorite dress on accident and it suddenly registers in your head that you've joined lives with someone. You freak out a little, but then you chill. 

You soon realize that this is what you've always wanted. You've always wanted to live in a nice home with someone you love. You've always wanted to be so comfortable and enamored by your partner that you want to eat every meal with them and tell them all your secrets and kiss them when they need a shower. 

You go to IKEA and buy a king size bed because you love each other so much but you also really love quality sleep. 

Time passes and you begin talking about your future together. He starts referring to you as his wife and you think, That sounds nice, but I hope he doesn't forget that I'm not his actual wife yet. 

You're at the stage where you've decided to get married and you've caught him looking at rings online a time or two. This is the part where you stop talking about it for a little while and you just have to wait. You just have to chill. 

Then he proposes and you feel like the luckiest human. It gives you the chills. 

You'll start planning the wedding soon, but for now, you'll just chill. 

"For now" only lasts a week or so and it's time to start planning. You browse destination wedding locations, argue over details, and decide you hate wedding gowns. People tell you that you have to do this and have that, and you respond by saying "Fuck tradition!" and you wish everyone would just chill. 

You decide to have a Hawaii wedding, which you think will be the chillest. 

He dresses up as Bride-zilla at your sister's annual drag party. He wears a white dress and reptile slippers and you know he's the one for you. 

You binge-watch The End of the F*cking World together and wonder why everyone is talking about a second season. You think about how some things don't need to be followed up on. Some things are perfect, just as they are. 

You order a wedding dress from China and realize it was a mistake. Your venue caps at 60 people for dancing, so when your guest count hits 65, you have to change locations. The airline wants to charge you to extend your layover. Your invitations were printed with a typo. The restaurant wants to charge you a $4 cutting fee per person for cake. You decide to have cupcakes instead and they tell you it's still $4 per person. 

You read that Dolores O'Riordan, the angelic lead singer of The Cranberries died at age 46. It makes you feel emotional and nostalgic, so you play all the hits on full blast in your kitchen while you bake healthy sweets and you let yourself tear up a little over the beauty of her voice. You think about how she was a zombie girl, a witchy woman, and how people have got to stop misusing the term witch hunt. 

You think about why the term Bride-zilla came to be. You think about what stress can do to a person and how we should stop calling women crazy. 

You choose the wrong thing, you redo something else. You make mistakes. You go over your budget. You count down the days until the party you'll throw to celelbrate the beginning of the rest of your life. 

You do the only thing you can do. You try to chill.