The Taboo Textbook

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Thanks a Latte, Pumpkin!

Happy Fall, ya'll! 

Over the past handful of years, there's been a lot of noise surrounding pumpkin spice lattes. People seem to have pretty strong opinions about how much sugar is involved, whether or not Starbucks is cool anymore, and the basic-ness of those who drink them. 

First of all, to all the coffee snobs out there: That's fine that you're into a specific type of locally-roasted coffee that's $28 a bag or whatever. (I agree that some coffee is better than others.) But step off other people's coffee! It's coffee.  

And let's back up about the whole basic bitch call-out for a second. Why does it matter if you like something that a lot of people like? I mean, it appears that a lot of people like Game of Thrones, the taste of sugar, and pizza. We're all a little basic sometimes. You don't need to be a dick about it.

I mean, isn't it kinda nice that we can agree that some things are really great!? Again, it's fucking coffee. And a majority of grownups drink it on a daily basis to get through work. You gotta do what you gotta do.  

Okay, so now that we're on the same page about PSLs and coffee culture, I'll tell you something. I like pumpkin spice lattes and other pumpkin foods. Gasp! In fact, I bought pumpkin puree recently and made some pretty dope pumpkin pancakes and a pumpkin pie smoothie. What about it?

On September 1st, I went into Trader Joe's ready to purchase a jar of pumpkin pie spice, and the lady working there exhaustedly told me that she didn't know when they would be getting the all pumpkin stuff in; all she knew was that it would be soon. She had obviously been asked about this 800 times already that day. (I think since Starbucks usually blows their pumpkin load on September 1st, I figured everyone else did too. I was wrong.)

Anyway, real pumpkin is good for you and has a lot of nutrients like Vitamin A, Vitamin C, beta-carotene, and fiber. But you know what? If you like pumpkin-flavored sugary syrup, I don't really give a shit. And neither should anyone else. Do you, babe! (You can always balance things out with a fancy daily vitamin.)

With all that said, I've been making my own pumpkin spice lattes at home because they taste damn good and I've been getting super into having a healthy, hearty, homemade coffee drink first thing in the morning. 

Here's what I do:

  1. Put a couple heaping spoonfuls of ground coffee and half a mug of water into the top of my Mr. Coffee latte maker
  2. Pour maybe 2 tablespoons of this dairy-free Whole30-approved half n' half by nutpods into the pitcher of the latte maker. (This is my new favorite non-dairy coffee creamer. It comes in a 4-pack from Amazon and froths very nicely.)
  3. Add a big spoonful of organic pumpkin puree. (You can buy this on Amazon, or anywhere, really.)
  4. Add a tiny bit of vanilla extract and a splash of unsweetened almond milk. (I bought a 12-pack of almond milk from Amazon because I was going through it so quickly making all the smoothies and you know I'll do anything to avoid stopping by the grocery store.)
  5. Sprinkle in maybe a half teaspoon of granulated stevia and a lil' shake of pumpkin pie spice.
  6. Let the latte maker do it's frothy thang. 

Yes, I order my whole life off Amazon. Don't you?

I've seen other homemade pumpkin spice latte recipes floating around the Internet and a lot of them just call for simmering the pumpkin, milk, sweetener, and spice over the stovetop and pouring the mixture over black coffee. I'm sure this works great, but I won't be trying it. 

My pumpkin spice latte recipe is a wonderful thing to sip on a Sunday morning while curling up with a book, it's great in a paper cup when you're on the fly, or you can stir the concoction slowly in a black mug and cackle like a witch. It's totally up to you!

Welp, I'm gonna go dig through our laundry room and try to find the subtle Halloween decorations I invested in last year. It's October 1st, which means I'm late! Happy spook month. Stay witchy.